Mental model: don't hand over the controls
, 2 min read
This is one I come back to whenever a comment, a review, or a passing remark gets under my skin. It's for the moments when someone's words make you angry, leave you disappointed, or make you want to quit.
The situation
Someone says something. Maybe it's criticism, maybe it's careless, maybe it's meant to hurt. Before I've even thought about it, I'm angry, or discouraged, or already talking myself out of the thing I was about to do.
Think about it this way
If a few words from someone can instantly change how I feel and what I do next, what does that actually mean?
It means their words are holding the controls.
If someone can make me angry just by saying a sentence, haven't I quietly given them control over me?
The question
Why would I give anyone that kind of power?
It's my body, my mind, and my life. What I do should come from my own choices, not from whatever someone else happened to say.
People will say whatever they want. I can't control that, and I've stopped trying. What I can control is how I respond, what I do next, and whether I let their words stop me.
That doesn't mean ignoring feedback. If there's something true in what was said, I'll take it. But taking the useful part is a decision I make. Reacting on autopilot isn't.
The takeaway
Never give someone else the power to control your actions. Your life should be driven by your will, not by their words.
Part of my Mental Models series: small ideas I use to think more clearly, added one at a time.